After spending the last few hours researching more colitis cures and management while breastfeeding, I decided to stop doing the depressing research (I’ve clearly hit a snag in my ‘get my life back!’ plan) and write about something inspiring.
After our last pre-marital session with a friend from church, he got my thinking. He asked us to clarify where we stand with what exactly we are to each other – wife and husband or fiance. I had emailed him about getting together and called Trevor my fiance, while on facebook we always call each other husband and wife. We clarified, but it still got to me a bit afterwards…
I guess I called him fiance more or less for societal correctness than anything. Not so much because I view him as my future husband. He is very much the one I have committed my life to, the father of my child, the one who put a ring on it – he’s my husband for sure. And he feels the same about me.
Our “counselor” per se, challenged our plans of having a ceremony at the end of the year by presenting the option of getting “officially” married and having a celebration later. This kind of twerked me the wrong way. I don’t believe papers mean anything in a marriage, except society’s definition of marriage and legalities. I was *almost* a bit offended, but knowing he meant only the best and didn’t understand our relationship yet – I took it as a kind and caring gesture. He presented good points. We’re Christians, people will view us differently knowing we are not “married” but have a child. It makes a rather difficult picture to paint us as Christians given that scenario and image is a huge part of our faith.
So… what now? He’s right, we are Christians and need to send a message and the one we are sending now seems rather “sinful” for lack of better words. Setting an example is not the picture we were painting. At least to those looking at us from the outside. To us, we are married, we are with each other because we love each other not because we got pregnant by accident and are stuck together.
Our “counselor” said a marriage is defined in the bible as exchanging vows and rings and committing our lives together before God. A ceremony like we all portray as a wedding isn’t a requirement in the bible. So, I thought, well duh, we’ve said vows to each other numerous times, committed our lives before God together as man and wife, and exchanged rings (we both wear them). AND, we call each other husband and wife all the time. No the papers aren’t signed and no there wasn’t a big ceremony and no I don’t officially have his last name – but I am a Fritzler! I am not leaving that boy, we are bound together by God’s love and there is no question in my heart about it. I know God and I are on the same terms here too. So, how do we present “different marriage” to the world.. Where else? Facebook!
So I posted this life event describing exactly what I said here in a few sentences. Next week we are clarifying this all with our “counselor” too. Does this all seem like some excuse to justify our sins? Maybe, but let me get back to the title of this post and explain why I am married with a child and only 22 years old.
This love we share had been a long time childhood attraction that caught fire in our college years. It started off real rocky as we were both in rough and confusing spots in our lives going from a child to an adult. It took some time for our relationship to actually get going and when it did, it took off full blast. We were living together within months and loving each other even quicker. I was so caught up in all this lust and attraction (“I can’t believe I am finally with this kid after all these years of crushing on him!”) that I failed to see the full blown sin we were drowning in both as a couple and individuals. We were doing all the wrong things and I was definitely making him my priority and everything else around me fell apart. My dog training, my friends, my school, and my faith. It all turned into my man. He was fighting his own very tough battle, which is something personal I’d rather not explain on a public post. But, nevertheless, it was also his priority over everything, even me.
We ended up breaking up even after he had proposed to me a few months before. I helped him get over his rough spot and I think the proposal was out of an overwhelming love and joy he felt towards me for not abandoning him and supporting him. While I believe it was honest and true, we both still had some growing up to do and our focus was still in all the wrong places. We never moved on even though we tried. He tried pawning my ring, going to bars and hitting on girls. I tried getting attention from other guys too (nothing too crazy -calm down 🙂 and tried telling myself not to love him, he hurt me.
When we did get back together, it took a lot of mending to fix what was broken. But we were more alive and in love than ever before. That break-up was like a wake up call – HELLO! You DO love him, you DO love her, you ARE meant for each other – WORK IT OUT! It was a switch we needed to see to realize how complete we were together and how much we really needed each other. We started going to church more – focusing more on our faith. We definitely recommitted our lives together, got re-engaged and even said vows to each other! In the car of all places, I remember it like none other. I remember saying we don’t need to wait until our wedding to exchange vows and commit our lives to each other – I know I love you, I know I DO, and I am going to tell you and God right now. It wasn’t traditional by any means, but it was heartfelt and true.
Trevor wanted to wear a ring from the get-go. He always said, it’s not fair only the girl gets the ring until the wedding day, I am just as much taken as you and I want the world to know it! So we got him a ring and he wears it proud every day 🙂
It just so happened that at 21 years of age, we realized our true love for each other and the commitment and sacrifice we were willing to make to stay together. Even when times get rough and we fight or get irritated, we are ALWAYS willing to learn more, to do better, and to make the other person happy. We are committed to keeping our spark and never stop dating – that’s how I knew he was the one, that’s why I am married before 25. That’s why I am not out partying with girlfriends and taking my time to test the waters and taste all the fish or whatever – I am with my man and if I was 16 right now, I’d feel the same way.
This is why when we decided to kind of start trying to have a baby or at least stop preventing it 🙂 We were okay with it in the Lord and ourselves. We may not have been officially married, but we were still married. And we were ready and excited to have a baby! When that test turned positive there was nothing but huge smiles and excitement. No fear, no surprise, no dismay – we were stoked! We knew it might happen and we were okay with it. We felt okay with it and with God that it was a good time to have a child. So now we are proud parents of a four month old baby girl and loving every second of it!
22. Married Mother. No mistakes, no accidents. Not settling. Cherishing every second and living on faith.
Every person is different but when it’s right, it’s right. And when it’s right with God, it feels even better 🙂